Water Cooler Talk: The Return!
Small talk & links dumps that you might want for the office water cooler
The hiatus is over, Short Slides is back! For the many new readers who subscribed after the 2024 “Ins and Outs” collection, you probably don’t even remember signing up for this, so uhh… surprise! And for the subscribers who’ve been here for years, I would apologize for my absence but let’s be real, you know how it goes. We are, as they say, so back and will be at least through the rest of the year. Now onto business.
As we all know—or maybe you don’t, just play along—Water Cooler Talk is a regular roundup of all the bits of news and culture that will make for interesting conversation filler during your next awkward silence at work, at dinner with your parents, or in therapy. Will it make those silences even more awkward? I honestly don’t know, that’s between you and whoever is unlucky enough to be on the other side of that decision. But as always, if you decide to talk to any people in your life about some of these, I’d love for you to report back in the comments section, in my email inbox, by showing up to my home, or in any other way you’d like. Let’s get into it.
Talking Point 1: Sights From My LinkedIn Travels
My (mostly negative) feelings on LinkedIn have already been well documented in past editions of this newsletter. Despite its attempt to create a vibrant place for professionals, the social networking—emphasis on networking—site has mostly created a place where people go to pander for attention and engagement.
As a person who was laid off at the end of last year I became incredibly familiar with LinkedIn’s worst offenders. As a person who found my current job—which I am very thankful for—on LinkedIn, I do have to admit that at the very least, it can be worth it to sift through the madness in exchange for cool opportunities. But that’s not going to stop me from updating you on the worst things I see each quarter. For instance:
A Proposal Recap
Nothing screams “mind on the grind” like taking a meaningful moment and flipping it into a business lesson. Take our first poster, who knows that where a normal person sees a special step in a relationship, an advanced salesman will see a chance to get attention.
This is real-deal, grindset mindset, “coffee is for closers” level focus. I would love to know when this particular person decided to turn his proposal into content. Do you think about something like this as you buy the ring? Does it pop into your brain while you’re waiting for your future fiancé to show up to your beachside rendezvous? Hell, maybe he thought of it as soon as he stood up. Maybe he got the idea as soon as the photos hit his inbox. His fiancé was probably sending the pictures to family and posting them on Instagram and he was logging into LinkedIn ready to get a potential client’s engagement.
Regardless of his thought process, this guy clearly had some things to work on. I won’t do a full rundown here, but I do need to share a couple of my favorite tips from his list:
Come on, now! I’m going to present this to you without diving further into “getting hands on the product” and “presenting” it “firmly” because those jokes will write themselves and it would be hacky for me to pluck low hanging fruit like that. (Or to get my hands on it or present it firmly in any way.) Now onto my personal favorite piece of advice.
What could he possibly mean by this? Did she say no? What did he need to do to convince her? Is it bad that I still don’t really know what “pricing” entails?
Despite what I’m saying, I am—for my own sanity—choosing to believe that it’s all a bit and this is just a man who saw an opportunity to troll and had to get his hands on it (firmly).
I can’t know that for sure, but what I do know is that regardless there is a LinkedIn post from his wife out there, maybe with a title along the lines of “What My Strange Engagement To A Salesman Taught Me About Getting A Prenup.”
An Almost Education
This isn’t something that I personally saw, but I do feel compelled to share this LinkedIn update as well. Did you know you can just log a school that you visited in your education history? If I’m being honest I love this, I spent a week at Pepperdine during my senior year of high school and it’s about time I start reaping the rewards of that visit.
Whatever This Is
This is a post that really spoke to me. Top tier “we live in a society” thought provocation. There’s an immediate instinct to make fun of this, but then again I shared this with upwards of 20 people on LinkedIn (privately, in DMs obviously) and now I’m sharing it here so maybe it worked.
Where Do We Go From Here?
The truth of the matter is this: I never bring an issue to the table without a remedy. My previous solution to the LinkedIn influencer epidemic was to swerve in the opposite direction. I begged people to stop taking LinkedIn so seriously and start treating it like any other site. Post about your new favorite album, tag your friends in memes, or post links to your favorite YouTube food reviews. Anything other than whatever it is I’ve been seeing. But as we’ve witnessed above, that creative note was not taken in the right way and things are even worse. So what’s my new solution? I’m glad you asked.
Did you know you can do this? Just start putting random things you're proud of on your resume. Did you win a trivia night recently? Have you, unlike many young people in America, successfully avoided joining a run club? Is your daily screen time under 6 hours? Put it on your resume LinkedIn!
Gone are the times of restricting yourself to formal accomplishments and work certifications. Beginning today we’re locking in on our favorite casual achievements and off-the-clock wins. My ask of you, dear reader, is that you take a second to head over to LinkedIn today and post about a non-work related accomplishment. Feel free to tag me if you want support. Here is my LinkedIn which I rarely use, but I am more than happy to use it to cheer for you and your random accomplishment.
2. Fantasy Football & Mental Illness
Playing fantasy football is, not to be dramatic, a form of entertainment that is mostly just self harm. Watching real football is probably 50-70% disappointment depending on what team you support, and fake football is about 90% disappointment (don’t check the numbers, I already did). And god forbid you also participate in sports betting! That’s three (3!) ways to be disappointed every week.
I wish I could explain the masculine urge to participate in the seasonal dick punching that is fantasy football, but truly it’s just something you either get or you don’t. Attaching your weekly serotonin allotment to a bunch of strangers you don’t know is as ridiculous as it is impossible to stop once you’ve started. And yet, for me, the action is the juice. I will never stop never stopping.
To be clear, I don’t use phrases like “masculine urge” and “dick punching” to insinuate that only men play fantasy football. I use those terms because only men—in my experience at least—allow ourselves to be so thoroughly broken down by these games that we allegedly play for fun. Case and point:
A Philadelphia man is currently facing charges because he falsely accused his friend—a student studying abroad in Europe—of planning to carry out a mass shooting. Months later, after getting away with it the first time, his league mate returned to the U.S. and the man promptly caused another panic by calling his friend’s school and telling them his competition was planning to “blow up the school.”
That is what this game does to the human mind. Honestly, I read that story and my first instinct should’ve been “wow that’s concerning” or “yikes, some people take games too far,” but in reality all I thought was “we’ve all been there.” Knowing that he lives in Philadelphia, I was immediately able to picture the handful of players that probably drove him to his breaking point.
To clarify: we have not all been there, and if anyone who works for a government task force is reading this, I have not threatened anyone’s life over fantasy football, at least not within any timeframe that could get me in legal trouble.. But that’s the kind of mental toll this dumbass game takes on the average person.
To put it in context, it’s not just me. This is the kind of reply I got when I sent this story into one of my fantasy group chats:
Mind you, this is a teacher. Young minds are in his hands! Here’s another message from a different chat:
These may seem like texts from my crazy friends, but these are in fact very normal reactions. Don’t believe me? Ask the people in your life about their worst fantasy football experience and watch the pain in their eyes. Ask the significant other of a person who plays fantasy football and chances are their stories are even more harrowing. And if they respond with something normal and not insane, then I guess just ignore this.
3. Recommended Reads, Links, and More
Finally, here are some links to things I’ve been reading and talking about lately, just in case you’re interested in having a conversation about…
Context For The Diddy Situation
We are at peak Diddy news saturation and every new bit of information is worse than the last, but it turns out that normal people who don’t live their life online have been somewhat surprised by the news coverage. So, for my readers who are only just now learning about his behavior and want some background: here’s a wild article I read earlier this year that I’ve been sending to my friends when they ask about it.
Men and Their Birthdays
Loved this quick read from Kate Lindsay at GQ. It’s nothing wild but if you’re a dude who doesn’t know how to handle his birthday—aka most men—or a person who is close to one, you’ll find many of the sentiments to be very familiar. I’ve long been obsessed with the psychology around birthdays and as I get older this fascination only grows, but we’ll save that for another time.
Hot Dogs and Hot Tempers
Additionally, here’s a not so short read and a video essay on the rivalry that exists between the two most famous competitive hot dog eaters of all time. It’s fascinating for many reasons, but most of all because truthfully, if I were eating soaking wet hot dogs 50-at-a-time for the duration of my life, the only person I would be capable of hating would be myself. But that’s just me. Maybe you’ll be inspired to try your hand at competitive eating, just be sure to tag me on LinkedIn when you announce your career pivot .
Something Nice
I’m not sure what it is, call me soft, but I guess this is the kind of thing that makes me smile and maybe get a little emotional nowadays. Whatever, sue me.
The Art, The Artist, & The Enthusiast
One of my favorite creatives made this short film and so I’m sharing an early link to it before it’s public. It’s a Short Slides exclusive, because that’s the kind of pull this newsletter has (and because I helped make it, whatever)! Watch it, enjoy it, etc.!
The Couple In Bed
Yeah that’s right, back to back short films. Can you believe it? A close friend premiered this recently so again, the Short Slides distribution team is on the job. Check this out (and congrats BMJ)!